A Coward, a Mudblood, and a Disguise
by HeyJewel
Summary: The events of one night from three different POVs. We all know that Severus Snape calling Lily Evans a Mudblood ended their friendship, but what was running through their minds after their meeting in front of Gryffindor Tower? Three shot. hints of LJ
1. Severus' Tale

A/N: This is the events of one night, the night following "Snape's worst memory" in which he calls Lily a Mudblood, destroying their friendship, from three different points of view. Each chapter can be read as their own ficlet, but I would suggest reading all three.

And I obviously don't own any of this, if it really needed to be said.

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**Severus' Tale**

I watched her sit down by the lake. The light of her wand illuminated her face gazing towards the water, the shimmering aurora dancing a top her flaming red hair, which was a disgrace. I could tell she was thinking about what had happened; a painful image of the sorrow in her beautiful green eyes and tears falling from them crept into my mind. It was ripping me apart just to watch her. I did this to her. I made her cry. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't watch her mourn over my stupidity. Turning away from the window harboring my pain, I slumped down, leaning against the wall, head in my hands, and thought about what I'd done.

I never meant to say what I had. I know it's a terrible excuse, but I was caught in the heat of the moment. I would never intentionally call Lily a Mudblood; I know she is much more than a Muggleborn. She's an extraordinary witch, and the most amazing girl I know. I really don't know what I'll do if she hates me; I don't think I'd be able to live with myself.

I was caught in the moment. Potter and Black were so _infuriating_ and I didn't want help from Lily, I can stand up for myself. The word just slipped out before I could catch it. I felt terrible afterwards, I knew I had hurt her, and that was killing me. That night at dinner I searched for her, but she wasn't in the Great Hall. I needed to talk to her, to apologize, so I went and waited outside of Gryffindor Tower for someone to come in or out that could tell Lily I was out there.

Her friend Mary didn't seem thrilled to pass the message to Lily, she wasn't very fond of me, but I begged until she caved. Finally Lily came out. She would not listen to my pleas for forgiveness, she said she was done being my friend, then she stormed back inside.

No. No, it could not be over! Lily Evans is my best friend, my only real friend, and I would not give up on her that easily. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't even breath. The world was closing in on me, and somehow I ended up on the floor leaning against the wall beside the portrait of the Fat Lady.

I do not know how long I was sitting there before I heard the door creak open. I looked up, and my empty heart began to fill with hope. That unmistakable red hair was creeping out from behind the door; perhaps she had come out to talk with me. There were so many things I wanted to say, but my words became jumbled in my throat.

"Lily," I tried to mutter, but no sound came out.

She stepped out from behind the painting and peered down the hallway, as if checking to see if we were alone. She took a few quiet steps forward, then looked again before tip-toeing towards the staircase. She did not even look at me.

I finally regained my strength and stood up, quickly walking to a nearby balcony to search for her. By the time I got there, I saw that she was quite a few floors below me. Standing for a few moments, I watched her sneak her way down the staircase, nervously peaking behind her back every few stairs, and down towards the Entrance Hall. I had a feeling I knew where she was going.

Before I could stop myself, I was off at a sprint to a class room by the Astronomy Tower. I got there just in time to see a dark figure making her way towards the direction of the lake. That was Lily's spot. She would often go there to be alone and think, and often times I would join her. But tonight, I couldn't bring myself to follow. I knew she wouldn't want me to, and that she just wanted to be left alone. It was for the best that I kept my distance, and so I merely watched her from the window.

I felt sick. I had never been so disgusted with myself. How could I have hurt her like that? I let my own pride get in the way, and ended up losing what made me feel most proud: a person who cared about me.

If only I hadn't been provoked! Stupid, cocky Black and Potter, they're always egging me on, no wonder I snapped on Lily. They had pushed me to my limit, and she happened to step in the way of the crossfire. I couldn't control myself, without even thinking the unforgivable sin fell out of my mouth.

It's funny how one small word could destroy six years of friendship, how a two-syllable blaspheme could tear apart one's entire world.

_Mudblood._

The word is poison, the most foul, deadly kind that should never be brewed. As such, I vow that the word will never again pass through my lips, nor will I even think it upon someone. No one deserves that kind of poison. . . Except me.

I do not blame Lily for never wanting to talk to me again, and I completely understand her motives, but I wish she would give me another chance. If it meant having her as a best friend, I would change everything about myself. I don't think she quite understands that.

Returning to the present, I stood up and went back to my position looking out towards Lily, but she was no where in sight. Squinting into the darkness of the grounds, I could see a massive black shadow patrolling the perimeter of the lake. It was far too large to be Lily, or any person for that matter. The stench of my own defeat was revolting, and I couldn't stand there searching for the woman who gave up on me any longer.

I turned my back on the window, on the lake, and on any traces of Lily and began my descend to the dungeons. Tomorrow would begin a new day in which I would think twice before acting harmful towards others. I would prove to Lily that I am not a waste of time, that I can be a great person and friend. My love for her will always burn, and I will work my hardest to show her my strength.

I don't think I will ever fully get over what I had done. I was overcome by my own inner darkness and lost what I held closest to my heart. I am a coward, consumed in my own pride.

But one day I will show Lily and the world that I am no coward. I promise you that.


	2. Lily's Tale

**Lily's Tale**

Too many excuses have been made on my part to forgive Severus when he made 'a slip of the tongue' in the past. It was always "No wonder she does so well in Muggle Studies, she's a Mudblood!" or "How did that Mudblood even make it into this school? He can barely do magic at all!" I've managed to disregard these comments because I knew, or thought I knew, that Severus meant nothing by them, it was merely 'a slip of the tongue.' But now he's gone too far. He knew full well what he was saying. I was attempting to be a good friend, because as far as I was concerned, I believed Severus to be my best friend, and he just threw it back in my face.

Severus' idea of friendship is a bit skewed from mine. If he looks upon those Death Eaters as friends, he must be crazy; he's got another thing coming! Death Eaters aren't looking for friends, they're looking for power.

I had snuck out of Gryffindor tower shortly after talking to Severus earlier that night. I couldn't sleep, and couldn't stand being contained in that stuffy room. I had put my prefects badge on (in case of being caught, I could say I was patrolling the corridors), and crept out towards the grounds.

My favorite spot at Hogwarts is by the lake. There is a beautiful grove of trees and flowers and it's the perfect spot to come when I want to be by myself and think. That's where I went. It's my own private getaway, cut off from the pressures of school and teenage drama. I took a seat by the lake edge, gazing into the water and reflecting on the proceeding events of the day.

An abundance of emotions were overcoming me. I was angry, I was sad, I was even happy that I didn't have to deal with Severus Snape any longer. He was no friend of mine, and if that's the way he really feels about me, maybe he was never my friend at all. I closed my eyes and laid back, taking in the silence and peacefulness of the evening.

Suddenly, a loud _CRACK_ interrupted the quiet. I jumped and looked around, squinching my eyes to be able to see into the darkness. At first look, there appeared to be nothing, but upon closer examination, I could see a massive shape lurking in the distance. Standing up, I felt fear flowing through my body. I became very cold.

The shadowy figure was coming closer. I stood up and took a small step backwards, fearing what was to come. I lit my wand and held it up towards the creature. We both froze.

It was merely a deer, probably frightened by the sudden light being shoved in its face. I took another step backwards, but this time only to get the bright shine out of the poor animal's face rather than fear. I inched further and further back, edging my way to a large log to sit and watch the beautiful stag.

"Wow.." I whispered; it was as if the deer heard me. He was slowly walking towards the log, and I reached my hand up as a sign of welcoming the animal. A moment later, my skin made contact with the soft reddish-brown fur. "You're so beautiful." I was awestruck. It was surprisingly large, about my height but much longer that I. It bent down and rubbed it snout against my leg, I giggled. "I didn't know deer were this friendly. Or maybe you're just different then the rest..." He looked up at me, appearing to be taking in everything I said. "You're trusting. Most animals aren't like that, they're timid and afraid of people...

"Trusting. That's a quality a lot of people don't have either. I think I'm one of them. I don't open up to many people, see, so when I person comes along that I can talk to it's a big deal. They're the people I hold dearest to me, someone I can tell anything to and know they'll never hurt me." The deer had sat down and was looking up at me intently. "I thought Severus was one of those people. Apparently, I was wrong." I couldn't help it, but my eyes started to water and soon the tears were falling. "How could I have been so stupid? My sister was right, all those times when she said Sev was bad news! How could I have wasted six years of my life on him?"

The deer must have sensed my sadness, for it was on its feet nuzzling into my neck, its own way of comforting me. "I wish all guys were like you: a great comfort and listener. You can't talk, you couldn't hurt me! Even if you could talk, I bet you'd never call me a...you'd never call me a Mudblood." I let out a loud sigh of exasperation, which caused the animal to jump from being startled.

"Sorry, I'm just to aggravated with that idiot! I'm beginning to think that Potter and Black have had it right all these years, giving him Hell." The deer let out a sound, which I could only guess meant he approved. "You really think so? I don't know...maybe they're all gits. Maybe Potter takes it to the extreme with how he treats Sev, but at least _he_ isn't infatuated with the Dark Arts! I would rather be friends with an arrogant berk like Potter then be stuck in a room full of Death Eaters!"

The deer gave another supportive neigh before standing up and trotting around in circles. It had gained a sudden burst of energy, it seemed.

"You're a right little fireball, aren't you?" I laughed. This animal, despite it not being able to talk, had an odd way of being able to cheer me up.

I stood up and it galloped around some more before stopping right in front of me. It made a motion with its head pointing towards its torso. "You want me to pet you?" I asked, lifting my arm up to stroke the magnificent bucks fur. It neighed and shook its head. I froze. Could it understand me? It pointed with its head once again towards its back, then to me. "You...want me to get on?" It nodded. "No...I couldn't..." It was outrageous! A deer was telling me to ride it! I must be going insane.

Despite my reproaches the deer bent down, allowing me to climb onto its back. My mind was keeping its logic and saying 'no,' but my feet had other plans. I felt myself kicking my leg over the side of the deer. It stood up slowly, allowing me time to adjust myself and find something to hold on to. I grasped the creatures antlers (hoping I wasn't hurting him) then we took off into a trot.

It was such a rush, riding around the lake. It felt as though I was someone else for the night. Normal sensible Lily would never have snuck out at night and ride a deer around the grounds, but now I felt free and careless. It was brilliant.

After a few minutes we stopped outside of the Entrance Hall doorway. He bent down and I staggered off, a bit dizzy from the run. "Thank you," I whispered, petting him one final time. The stag nodded, then turned and ran into the darkness, leaving me alone.

When I came outside earlier, caught in my fury of bleak emotions, I never thought I would return to the castle feeling this elated. I can not explain the way this deer had made me feel, it was almost as if we had a connection. I know it must sound crazy, it's only an animal after all, but I could feel a closeness between us.

I looked into the night one final time, wondering if I would ever see the stag again, before turning and creeping back into the castle.

A new spark of hope was igniting inside of me. Severus Snape could not bring me down.


	3. James' Tale

**James' Tale**

It was 10 o'clock on a Wednesday evening and Sirius and I were starving. We had missed dinner that night, as we had been serving detention with McGonagall; food was needed in our systems before we collapsed. After a quick (and quite noisy) game of Exploding Snap to see who would have to go grab some snacks, I pulled out my old invisibility cloak and the Marauder's Map and set off for the kitchens.

My path to the lower levels was clear. Filch was over by the Transfiguration classroom with Peeves, and the teachers were in their respective offices. Snivellus was lurking around a corridor, but this wasn't a surprise; I often noticed his dot creeping about the castle. The Head Boy and Girl were patrolling around Ravenclaw Tower, and all the prefects had gone to bed. All except for-

No. That couldn't be right. I looked down at the Map again to double check, maybe there was something on my glasses that was influencing my vision. A second glance confirmed what I had seen.

"Evans? What's she doing up?" I whispered to myself, before pulling out a small mirror from my pocket. "Sirius." I said to it.

After a moment, the image of my best friend appeared in the mirror. "What's wrong? Run into Filch?"

"No, everything's fine. I just need to make a little detour. I shouldn't be long." I stuffed the mirror back into my pocket and looked back at the Map. The little dot labeled 'Lily Evans' was crossing the Entrance Hall. Before I could stop myself, I had set off at a run to catch up with her.

When I finally jumped the last few stone steps leaving the castle, I couldn't see Lily at all. I looked down at the Map again, searching fervently for her dot. At last I spotted her by the Lake Edge. I had often noticed her sitting there during free period, sometimes with friends and sometimes alone.

I had the feeling that she would not enjoy it very much if I just walked over and sat down next to her. Evans and I are **not **the best of friends, unfortunately. Despite my frequent offers to go out with me, she refuses to oblige. I don't get it, really. I understand that she doesn't like when I jinx people, but I'm not a bad guy! Maybe sometime I'll try to prove it to her...

But I digress. A little voice inside my head was telling me to think of another way to approach Lily instead of strolling right up to her. My mind was racing as I power-walked over to a little clump of bushes nearby the castle entrance. I folded up my cloak and put the Map inside of it, then stowed both in the bushes, hiding them so no one would be able to spot them.

If Lily couldn't accept me as James, then I just wouldn't go near her as James. Thinking hard and putting all my willpower into it, I transformed into Prongs the stag. What woman can resist a furry woodland creature?

I set off at a fast-paced gallop. My night vision as a deer was much better, and I could distinctively make Evans out when I approached. I slowed down, coming to a stop about five meters away from her. I stood there for a moment, waiting for her to see me. I took a step forward, but a loud cracking sound made me freeze. I looked down, seeing that I had stepped on a rather large stick. Damn, so much for a quiet entrance.

I looked up, and saw that she was looking in my direction, getting out her wand. Oh no, she's gonna hex me. She'll think I'm some creep who's come to attack her.

Suddenly, I was blinded by a bright light. It's alright, she had only lit her wand, I'm still in one peice. Evans stepped backwards and I could see again. She looked amazed, shocked, and completely gorgeous. She had always been attractive, but she'd never looked like this. The white glow gently illuminated her features, making her appear more beautiful than she ever had.

"Wow," I heard her breathe. It was as though she was reading my thoughts. I took a few more steps towards her, going very slowly and not wanting her to run away. She reached her hand up and my head was drawn to it. She had the most delicate touch, it was perfect. "You're so beautiful." I decided to get a little bit playful, and rubbed against her leg. She giggled, then she spoke and I listened and it was perfect.

Evans rarely talks to me, never mind have a meaningful conversation with me. For once I felt like I could get into her head, or even her heart, and she could just spill everything to me. It was as if I was inducted into a club, which only the elite could enter.

She was talking about Snape, about how he hurt her after years of friendship. I knew the two were friends, but I could never understand why. They were polar opposites. Lily was nice and caring and intelligent and, well, everything brilliant in the world, while Snivellus was a slimy idiot. He was judgmental and rude and held himself superior to everyone. It just doesn't make sense that they would become friends. She deserves friends who will always be there for her and never let her down. Snape just isn't that person.

I tried to comfort her by affectionately nuzzling her neck. She smiled and told me how she wished there were guys like me in the world. Ironic, isn't it?

"...Even if you could talk, I bet you'd never call me a...you'd never call me a Mudblood." That one word made my blood boil. I jumped up in anger. I wanted to kill Severus Snape for calling her that. Evans was much more than a Muggleborn. She was an incredible witch. Lily apologized, apparently noticing my change in behavior. But what she said next is what really made me calm down. "I'm beginning to think that Potter and Black have had it right all these years, giving him Hell." Finally, she sees it our way! I gave out a noise to let her know that I agreed full heartedly with that statement.

"You really think so?" Yes. Yes I do.

"I don't know...maybe they're all gits." No!

"Maybe Potter takes it to the extreme with how he treats Sev, but at least he isn't infatuated with the Dark Arts!" Too true! The Dark Arts are disgusting.

"I would rather be friends with an arrogant berk like Potter then be stuck in a room full of Death Eaters!" At least she has got her priorities in order.

Her speech left me with a great happiness; she'd pick me over Snape! A wave of adrenaline rushed over me, and I began to run around in circles. "Right little fireball, aren't you?" Evans giggled as she stood up. I took to running my circles around her. She was laughing! For once in my life I had made Lily Evans laugh instead of scream. My joy was overwhelming. I had to show her how I felt . But how could I do that? Deers can't talk, and I certainly couldn't turn back into James, she'd have a nervous breakdown.

Then an idea struck me. Ceasing my laps, I looked at her, making sure I had her attention. I nodded towards my back, hoping she would get the message.

She didn't. "You want me to pet you?" She reached her arm out to stroke me, but then froze hearing my noise of reproach. She was watching me with curious eyes. I jabbed my head in her direction, then once again towards my back. Realization dawned on her. "You...want me to get on?" I nodded, relieved that she understood.

"No...I couldn't." Ah, logical, reasonable Lily would **never** ride a wild deer around in the middle of the night. What was I thinking? But before I could even interpret what was happening, I felt her leg swing over me. I stood up, and felt her shake a little bit.; she was probably scared to death. I sensed her hands wrapping around my antlers, and then we took off.

I have been known to do some pretty thrilling activities, but nothing could ever amount to the jolt of excitement I felt then, the exhilarating breeze as we sprinted around the lake and back towards the castle. I could feel Lily's legs tighten around me, an extra precaution to avoid falling off, but I would never let her fall. Everything seemed so perfect, just being with her; I never wanted to stop running.

But all too soon it was over. I let her off outside of the huge oak doors. She seemed kind of out of it; she quietly thanked me, and stroked my head one last time. I acknowledged her appreciation with a nod, and then she was gone, heading back to Gryffindor tower. When she was out of sight, I transformed back, greatly out of breath from my run, but still full of energy. I gathered my belongings from the bush and crept inside the school.

Twenty minutes later I entered my dormitory, arms filled with snacks and butterbeers for the kitchen.

I was welcomed with a large pillow whipping me in the face and a very angry Sirius glaring at me. "Prongs! It's about time! Where have you been?"

I didn't mention Lily, or Snape, or anything that had happened. It would not be right to betray Lily's trust like that, even if she didn't know who she had confided in. I felt as though she had revealed a hidden part of herself to me, like an indecent secret that no one should know. At the same time, I was one step closer to finding the secret to her heart. I could not let anyone in on the secret. Not even my best mate.

"I went for a run."

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A/N- So that's that. Sorry it took me so long to post this last chapter. It was a lot harder to write for James and I don't really know why. It should have been easier as I basically already had the plot written.

I know it ends sorta suddenly, but I like it that way and I didn't want it to have a cheesy ending. Well, I hope you enjoyed! Thankss, please R&R! 3


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